Shaky Sherman’s Surefire Shirt Insurance

Good afternoon, folks.
My name’s Sherman and I’m here to talk to you about something very close to my heart.
My shirt.
Ain’t it shitty when your shiny shirt goes to shit?
That’s where I come in.
I’m Sherman and I sell shirt insurance.
That’s right. Shirt insurance.

Shaky Sherman’s Surefire Shirt Insurance!

Picture this:
You’re shootin’ the shit with Shalyah and Shawn.
Shawn’s shoveling short ribs down his shush-hole.
Shalyah shouts about shark-skin shallots from Shenandoah.
You’re shucking shellfish shards from shrimp shumai, when suddenly,
SHAPOW!
You’ve shredded your shirt!

Don’t be ashamed.
You’re covered!
Because you purchased Shaky Sherman’s Surefire Shirt Insurance.
I’ll cover Shepard’s pie on your sharpest cardigan.

Here’s my story:
I was a shy little sheep shearer shacked in Shaboygan.
My shady brother, Shul, shot my shins.
I tried to share shandy, but shivered and shook,
so my shamrock shirt got showered in schmooze.

That’s why they call me Shaky Sherman.

Folks, I’ll cover your shirt today! Don’t believe me?
I showed Sherlynn from Sheffield a 10-year fixed renewable on her Christmas crop top.
I shimmied Shadrick from Sherwood all threads covered with premium payout on his pristine polo.
I schlepped Shannon from Shapokee full protection on both sweater sleeves.
Shape up or ship out. I’ll draw up the papers right now!

Okay, let me level with ya.

I’m desperate, folks.
My short life is in shambles.
I got shit-canned in Shappatan, which shrunk my sheckels.
The shrapnel shirked my wife, Sherry, so she shunned me.
That’s right. Sherry shunned me!
She shagged a showboat sheriff after sharing schnapps down the shore.
Shrubs shriveled. Shelves shifted.
Should’ve shielded myself from such sharp shock.
I became a shut-in who didn’t shave.
I binged on Sherlock and Shakira.
Then!
I chose to shunt my sheets.
A showoff has to show off!
Became a sure-shouldered shogun shrieking ’bout shirt insurance.
No shortcuts.
No shallow sham,
I’m no shoehorning shyster,
and YOU are no schmuck.

Don’t be shackled into buying shabby shirts again.
Get yourself Shaky Sherman’s Surefire Shirt Insurance*

*Doesn’t include schmear on shawls. Shanghai & Sri Lanka subject to international tax jurisdiction. Sherman sells shirt insurance only. Any inquiries about selling seashells by the seashore will not be honored.

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One comment

  1. Harsh Virdi · June 9, 2015

    Man! There are a lot of ssss there . I almost lost recorond of how to speak s-word now .. I’m really stuck on shh … :p btw really nice post

    Liked by 1 person

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