I forgive myself
That statement isn’t true
Suffering lurches across my spine
When I had the nerve to wield wisdom
I dropped my sword
Tumbled into unobserved muck
Of snares
Panic shouts
Confidence flickers
Summoning a punitive outcome
I studied to conquer Everest
Trained, climbed, reached its summit
And tumbled off the side of the Earth
I don’t understand myself
Which governs forgiveness
There’s no lesson embedded
Only frustration and lashes
A sharpened idiot
danger kit 
This topic of self forgiveness is coming at me like crazy today. “I studied to conquer Everest” makes me think of my psychology degree and 30 something years experience as a therapist and I STILL have trouble forgiving myself for stuff that happened 40 years ago! My plan is to talk back to the whispers for my inner critic, maybe with compassion, but maybe to tell them to just “Shut up. I was 24 then. Leave me alone!” Three steps forward and two steps backward…. It’s still a process. Thanks for the follow and for the opportunity to vent.
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Thanks for the comment! This was definitely a cathartic one to write as mistakes can have such a powerful hold on me. I like your 3:2 steps ratio, feels accurate doesn’t it?
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Yes. We can still make progress with 3:2 or 3 forward and 1 back. And sometimes it’s okay to just be still and rest a bit. 🙂
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